by Who the H Lives in a Town?
Performed by Debbie Harper and the Prairie Songbirds
Who the H Lives in a Town? – DOWNLOAD
(Verse 1)
Well, the goths in town, they hang in the shade,
Wearing all black like it’s some kinda parade.
Skateboarders roll, but they don’t know the score,
They think Stalin was an energy drink at the store.
The apartment dwellers call their shoebox a home,
Rent so high, they might as well live in SoHo.
Techno vegans munchin’ food that’s fake,
With e-scooters zippin’ by, just give me a break.
(Chorus)
Who the H lives in a town like this?
Where they drink kale smoothies and think history’s a myth.
No farms in sight, no common sense to be found,
I swear I’m the last cowgirl passing through this battleground.
Who the H lives in a town like this?
They got rooftop gardens, but they’ve never heard of grits!
(Verse 2)
There’s vegans with burgers made from plants and a lab,
Talkin’ ‘bout their “techno diets” like it’s some kinda fad.
The Instagram hikers are out snapping pics,
They’ve never hiked a mile without their Wi-Fi fix.
Crypto bros in Teslas brag about their gains,
But can’t afford coffee without searching for change.
(Chorus)
Who the H lives in a town like this?
Where the scooters run wild, and common sense gets missed.
No farms in sight, no cattle, no corn,
I swear these folks wouldn’t know wheat from a thorn.
Who the H lives in a town like this?
They’ve got artisanal water, but can’t fix a fence!
(Bridge)
Apartment dwellers braggin’ ‘bout their space,
Four hundred square feet, and they’re lovin’ the place.
I asked where the hardware store might be,
They said, “We just Door Dash what we need, ya see!”
(Verse 3)
At the local brewpub, they’re sippin’ on foam,
Talkin’ IPA notes like they’re writing a poem.
No one’s seen a tractor, but they all drive green,
And their idea of cattle is tofu cuisine.
Street performers stand there, guitar in their hands,
But they don’t play a note — they’re waitin’ for fans.
They figure that can learn music later…
Meanwhile, they’re your waiter.
(Chorus)
Who the H lives in a town like this?
Where the farm-to-table is just a pretentious twist.
No farms in sight, no dirt under their nails,
I’m startin’ to think these city folks have gone off the rail.
Who the H lives in a town like this?
They got rooftop chickens, but don’t know what farming is!
(Verse 4)
This town’s barely a 100,000, what’s a real city like?
They’re acting all fancy, but can’t even ride a bike.
It’s all pretentious, with rooftop bars and hot air,
They’re too busy lookin’ cool to even care.
Call it urban, but it feels like a pretend,
100 K this is just a small town tryin’ to trend.
(Outro)
So I packed up my boots, and I headed back home,
To the wide-open fields, where I’m free to roam.
‘Cause who the H lives in a town that bites?
No land, no cattle, no vote, that’s right,
They think tractors are myths, and caps that say “Trump’s a jerk.”
And what’s worse; since 2020, they’ve never seen work.
Get a JOB!!!
Who the H Lives in a Town? —Music and Lyrics by Alan Nafzger
Interview with songwriter Alan Nafzger
The Cutting Humor Behind “Who the H Lives in a Town?”
Interviewer: Debbie “Hayride” Harper for Farm.FM
Interviewee: Alan Nafzger, the brilliant songwriter behind the satirical hit “This Town Sucks”
Debbie Harper: “Alan, you’ve never been one to mince words, and this song is no exception. ‘This Town Sucks’ is biting, funny, and let’s just say, brutally honest. Let’s dive into some of the lines. First up—‘The apartment dwellers call their shoebox a home, rent so high, they might as well live in SoHo.’ What’s the story behind that?”
Alan Nafzger: [laughs] “Debbie, you ever seen those new city apartments? They charge rent like you’re getting a mansion, but what you get is a glorified closet with a view of a brick wall. And these folks—well, they walk around like they’ve hit the jackpot, saying things like, ‘Oh, it’s cozy!’ Yeah, it’s cozy alright. Like the backseat of a Mini Cooper. The joke about SoHo? It’s that false sense of prestige. They’re living in middle-of-nowhere-ville, paying SoHo prices like it’s glamorous.”
Debbie Harper: “So it’s a dig at the urban illusion of success?”
Alan Nafzger: “Exactly. We’ve got people in these tiny boxes pretending they’ve got the life, but they’re really just scraping by. The real punchline is, they’re proud of it. If they knew what ‘ranch livin’’ was like, they’d be crying into their soy lattes.”
Debbie Harper: “Speaking of lattes, ‘Techno vegans munchin’ food that’s fake’ — are you throwing shade at vegan culture?”
Alan Nafzger: “Not at vegans themselves—some of my best friends, as they say, are vegans. It’s the trendiness of it all that gets me. The techno part? That’s me poking fun at how everything’s gotta be futuristic now, like food that’s grown in a lab or dehydrated from God knows what. These folks are out there eating stuff that isn’t even food. But they slap a fancy label on it, call it ‘sustainable,’ and suddenly it’s a hundred bucks a plate.”
Debbie Harper: “So, it’s the artificial, processed nature of the whole movement that irks you?”
Alan Nafzger: “Exactly! They’re more disconnected from the land than the very farmers who grow their ingredients. They think they’re eating ‘pure’ food when half of it’s engineered in a lab. Meanwhile, I’m just over here thinkin’, ‘Ever tried a real tomato? They grow in dirt, by the way.'”
Debbie Harper: “Now let’s talk about the skateboarders. ‘Skateboarders roll, but they don’t know the score. They think Stalin was an energy drink at the store.’ That’s a sharp line. Care to break it down?”
Alan Nafzger: “Oh, that one’s close to my heart. I see these kids cruising around on their boards, looking cool, but the moment you ask them a real question, it’s like you’ve just spoken Klingon. I’m not saying they all need to be history professors, but man, at least know who Stalin was. It’s not too much to ask! The joke here is they’re so detached from anything important, they might as well think historical figures are energy drinks. It’s my way of saying, ‘Wake up, people!'”
Debbie Harper: [laughing] “It’s a pretty scathing take on the state of education and awareness these days.”
Alan Nafzger: “That’s exactly it. We’re living in a time where everyone’s got access to more information than ever, and yet no one knows anything. You can Google ‘Stalin’ in two seconds, but they’d rather watch a video of a cat in a cardboard box.”
Debbie Harper: “Let’s circle back to the goths. ‘Well, the goths in town, they hang in the shade, wearing all black like it’s some kinda parade.’ What inspired this particular imagery?”
Alan Nafzger: “Goths, man! They’re fascinating. It’s 90 degrees out, and they’re decked out in all-black, hanging out like it’s Halloween every day. But you gotta respect the commitment! It’s like they’re walking in their own personal parade of misery. The humor here is in how seriously they take it—meanwhile, the rest of us are sweating through our jeans. It’s a parade of darkness in the middle of bright, sunny reality.”
Debbie Harper: “You really have a knack for pointing out the absurd in everyday situations. What about the e-scooters? Why do they zip by in the background of your urban satire?”
Alan Nafzger: “The e-scooters, well, they’re the symbol of how everything’s gotten easier and lazier. You used to walk or maybe ride a bike. Now, everyone’s zipping around on these little electric gadgets like life’s too fast to use your legs. They’re dodging pedestrians, flying around like they’ve got somewhere important to be. Spoiler alert: they don’t. It’s just more noise in the chaos.”
Debbie Harper: “Your song really captures how out of touch urban life can be, doesn’t it?”
Alan Nafzger: “That’s the whole point! I’m not saying everyone’s got to live on a farm or ride a horse to work, but maybe—just maybe—there’s something off about paying more for an apartment the size of a chicken coop, eating lab-made food, and cruising around on scooters like the world’s one big arcade game. It’s all part of the joke—this town sucks because they’ve lost sight of what real life even is.”
Debbie Harper: “Alan, your humor cuts deep, but it’s exactly what makes people love your work. Any final thoughts for the city slickers listening in?”
Alan Nafzger: “Just this—if you ever wanna know what life’s about, come visit the farm. And maybe trade that energy drink for a real cup of coffee. Trust me, it’ll do wonders.”
Debbie Harper: “Thanks for keeping us grounded, Alan. You’ve got the wit of a poet and the sharpness of a rancher. This song’s sure to hit home, even for those living in a shoebox apartment.”
