by The University of Country Music
Performed by Debbie “Hayride” Harper & The Prairie Songbirds
The University of Country Music – DOWNLOAD
(Verse 1)
Welcome to the University of Country Music, my friend,
Where the lessons never stop, and the honky-tonk never ends.
You can major in heartache, or tractors if you please,
And your classroom’s the tailgate, out by the fields and trees.
Forget dorms and textbooks, just make it a mission,
The professor’s playin’ Merle, and the syllabus says listen.
It’s heartbreak 101, but with a whiskey twist,
And your final exam’s a drunken line dance—you don’t want to miss!
(Chorus)
At the University of Country Music, we don’t give anybody the degree,
Just belt buckles and cowboy hats, melody and harmony.
Your diploma’s a song, your lectures are helpful,
Where you learn life’s lessons, just keep it tasteful.
So raise a glass, and tip your hat, this is where you belong,
At the University of Country Music, y’all, there’s a lesson in every song.
(Verse 2)
Instead of study abroad, you’ll study “down the road,”
Herding cattle, pickin’ strings, that’s the country code.
Forget about Frankenstein; we got Shelly West,
We’re debatin’ BBQ sauce, while Willie Nelson’s the best.
The professors here are legends—Dr. Dolly’s got a plan,
And every honky-tonk becomes a classroom when you’re in the band.
Karaoke’s your midterm, and Johnny Cash is the Dean,
If you can nail “Ring of Fire,” then you’ll get that degree.
(Chorus)
At the University of Country Music, we don’t give anybody the degree,
Just belt buckles and cowboy hats, melody and harmony.
Your diploma’s a song, your lectures are helpful,
Where you learn life’s lessons, just keep it tasteful.
So raise a glass, and tip your hat, this is where you belong,
At the University of Country Music, y’all, there’s a lesson in every song.
(Bridge)
Where the only GPA that matters is “Good Picking Ability,”
We strum our way through heartbreak with a touch of humility.
No books, no grades, just a six-string and a tune,
At the University of Country, you’ll be croonin’ startin’ at noon!
(Verse 3)
Well, my advisor told me, “Girl, if you ain’t feelin’ blue,
You ain’t worked hard enough, you’ve got some feelin’ to do.”
In the University of Heartbreak, tears come with the plan,
Emotional breakdowns? Well, that’s how you make a woman.
Well, the school motto’s simple, ain’t hard to recall,
“Whiskey, Women, and Wisdom”—that’s the heart of it all.
The university crest? A sight to behold,
A guitar crossed with Jack, ’cause that’s how it’s told.
(Chorus)
At the University of Country Music, we don’t give anybody the degree,
Just belt buckles and cowboy hats, melody and harmony.
Your diploma’s a song, your lectures are helpful,
Where you learn life’s lessons, just keep it tasteful.
So raise a glass, and tip your hat, this is where you belong,
At the University of Country Music, y’all, there’s a lesson in every song.
(Outro)
Your school anthem’s a Toby Keith tune, loud and strong,
With a mascot boot-kickin’ bull strummin’ right along.
Mascot’s got a guitar, swingin’ in style,
“Go Fighting Boot-Scooters!”—we’ll stomp for a mile!
At the University of Country Music, we play it right,
With six-strings and heartstrings, we light up the night.
You can’t fake country or easily pretend,
If your truck ain’t broke down, well, you ain’t fit to attend.
The University of Country Music – Music and Lyrics by Alan Nafzger
Songwriter’s Notes: The University of Country Music
- No need for fancy textbooks, just a tailgate and a six-pack of wisdom.
Who knew life’s biggest lessons could be learned between two guitar strums and a sip of whiskey? - Majoring in heartbreak requires a prerequisite in “Crying in Your Beer.”
If you haven’t had your heart stomped on, you’re not ready for upper-level courses. - Forget study abroad—study “down the road” means your field trips involve cattle herding, not Parisian cafés.
And your lunch is a BBQ sandwich, not a croissant. - The professors are legends—imagine getting life advice from Dolly Parton!
Just don’t ask her to grade your papers. She’ll probably tell you they need more heart. - Final exams? Not in essay form. No, you better be ready for a karaoke showdown.
Nail that “Ring of Fire” or you’re failing Country Music 101. - Your diploma isn’t a piece of paper—it’s a cowboy hat and a belt buckle.
Perfect for any job interview where ‘two-stepping’ is a requirement. - Who needs a GPA when your success is measured by your “Good Picking Ability”?
If you can’t strum, then you can’t succeed. - No science labs here, just BBQ sauce debates, and the only test tube involved is filled with moonshine.
You’ll never hear the words “peer-reviewed” unless it’s about ribs. - The university mascot isn’t a lion or an eagle—it’s a boot-kickin’ bull with a guitar strapped to its back.
And yes, the bull can strum better than half the students. - If your truck isn’t broken down at least once a semester, you’re not fit to attend.
It’s the country version of a rite of passage. - Forget philosophy class—here, it’s all about “Whiskey, Women, and Wisdom.”
The answers to life’s biggest questions can be found at the bottom of a bottle. - Your school anthem? A Toby Keith tune, played on repeat until everyone knows the words.
No one’s sitting during that one, not even the professors. - Instead of studying Shakespeare, you’re dissecting Willie Nelson’s best lyrics.
“To be or not to be” replaced with “Whiskey River, take my mind.” - Classroom debates? They’re about who makes the best BBQ sauce, not politics or philosophy.
And let’s be honest, the professor’s decision is final—and always tasty. - The only ‘capstone’ project you’ll have is to perform an original country song, preferably while line dancing.
If you don’t know how to swing your boots, your academic career is in danger.
The University of Country Music
by Alan Nafzger (2003)
Welcome to a school where the lessons are loud,
Where every honky-tonk’s a classroom and every cowboy’s proud.
The syllabus? Simple: heartbreak and whiskey too,
And you’ll learn more from a twang than any college crew.
No dorms, no textbooks, just tailgates and strings,
With Dolly and Willie teaching life’s little things.
You don’t need a degree to understand this plan—
Just a guitar in hand and a broken heart, man.
Majoring in tractors, or maybe BBQ sauce,
The only midterm you’ll take is a karaoke loss.
Professors wear hats, and the dean’s Johnny Cash,
And your final exam’s a line dance in the honky-tonk flash.
There’s no “study abroad,” but there’s “study down the road,”
With boots on your feet, you’ll carry the load.
You’ll graduate with a belt buckle, cowboy hat in hand,
A degree in heartbreak, earned across the land.
So if your truck’s not broke and your hat’s on right,
You’re ready for lessons in country life’s light.
For at the University of Country, where the melody reigns,
You’ll find life’s true meaning in its ballads and refrains.
