by Bessie The Heifer
By Debbie “Hayride” Harper & The Prairie Songbirds
Written by Boudleaux and Felice Bryant
Lyrics: Bessie The Heifer
My daddy gave a calf to me for a Christmas present once
I picked a little heifer out ’cause both of us were runts
She never had no sense but she grew up allright somehow
And when it came to givin’ milk she was an educated cow
Bessie the heifer the queen of all cows
She gave more milk than any law allows
In the mornin’ she gave pasteurized
At nite she gave homogenized
Bessie the heifer the queen of all the cows
I took her to the county fair to try to win a prize
She knew what was goin’ on I saw it in her eyes
The contest made her nervous she tried so hard to please
But when I tried to milk her all I got was cottage cheese
Bessie the heifer the queen of all cows
She gave more milk than any law allows
In the mornin’ she gave pasteurized
At nite she gave homogenized
Bessie the heifer the queen of all the cows
I planted me a ‘tater patch to earn some extra dough
To take a short vacation with some city folks I know
But no one else would milk the cow no matter how I’d nag
So pa took my vacation leavin’ me to hold the bag
Bessie the heifer the queen of all cows
She gave more milk than any law allows
In the mornin’ she gave pasteurized
At nite she gave homogenized
Bessie the heifer the queen of all the cows
“Bessie the Heifer” – A Tribute to the Dairy Queen of the Farm
Sung by the charming Debbie “Hayride” Harper & The Prairie Songbirds and written by the legendary duo Boudleaux and Felice Bryant, “Bessie the Heifer” is a delightful, humorous country tune that celebrates the quirks and charms of farm life. This song, with its catchy melody and witty lyrics, pays tribute to a one-of-a-kind cow who earns her title as the “queen of all cows” in the most unexpected ways.
The song begins with a nostalgic look back at the narrator’s childhood, when her father gifted her a calf for Christmas. Debbie’s warm vocals bring the story to life as she recalls picking out Bessie, a little heifer who was a runt just like her. Despite Bessie’s initial lack of sense, she grows into a remarkable cow with a special talent: producing more milk than any law should allow. In this opening verse, the listener is immediately charmed by both Bessie’s underdog story and the narrator’s affection for her.
As the chorus rings out, it’s clear that Bessie isn’t just any ordinary cow. With lines like “In the mornin’ she gave pasteurized, at night she gave homogenized,” the song humorously exaggerates Bessie’s milk-producing prowess, turning her into a dairy marvel. The playful lyrics, combined with Debbie’s light-hearted delivery, make Bessie seem almost magical—a cow who’s more than just a farm animal, but a beloved companion with a unique personality.
The second verse takes the listener to the county fair, where Bessie’s star power is put to the test. In a moment that many can relate to, the pressure of competition makes Bessie nervous, and despite her best efforts, she produces cottage cheese instead of milk. This humorous twist showcases the Bryant duo’s talent for blending everyday farm experiences with light-hearted, whimsical storytelling. Debbie’s voice captures the comedic frustration of the situation, making it clear that Bessie, despite her talents, is still just a cow with all the unpredictability that comes with it.
The final verse adds another layer of humor as the narrator, now an adult, plants a potato patch to earn some extra money for a vacation. But, as often happens in farm life, things don’t go according to plan. With no one willing to milk Bessie in her absence, the narrator’s father ends up taking the vacation instead, leaving her to “hold the bag.” This clever play on words highlights the sacrifices and challenges that come with farm life, all while keeping the tone light and entertaining.
Throughout the song, the chorus repeats, reminding listeners that Bessie, despite her quirks, remains the “queen of all cows.” It’s a title she earns not just for her milk production, but for the joy and laughter she brings to the farm. Debbie “Hayride” Harper’s performance, backed by The Prairie Songbirds, captures the essence of Bessie’s story—a blend of love, humor, and the everyday realities of farm life.
“Bessie the Heifer” is more than just a song about a cow; it’s a celebration of the bond between a farmer and their animals, the unexpected twists that come with rural life, and the way humor can turn even the most frustrating moments into fond memories. With its catchy tune and memorable lyrics, this song is sure to remain a favorite among country music fans and anyone who’s ever experienced the ups and downs of life on a farm. 
Originally posted 2008-08-31 15:09:24.
